This is the Message Centre for Mother of God
In this lifetime. The Idea! I'll figure out how to get my head around this one before I call my parents and friends with the news. Oddly, I'm much more concerned about having to *tell* people, to deal with emotional reactions, both theirs and mine, than I am about what my immediate and extended future might hold. I already pretty much knew that I was unlikely to have the best-of-all-possible diagnoses,(Ugly Mole, glad it's gone). And, having looked at some cancer websites lately I already knew that Ugly Mole was doing an incredibly polished and complete impersonation of Flourishing Melanoma. So it's not a surprise. Now it's just a matter of how to manage this event correctly. So far everything has been put beautifully in place. I'm extraordinarily fortunate in this. 1) I moved from stress zone to ParadiseII 2) Brother lives nearby, and not only MAC Concealer, he's a surgeon and his fiance is a midwife. So they *know* about stuff and have been able to help me in ways very few uninsured people have available to them. 3) Moffitt Cancer Center is nearby, just a couple miles from my brother's place. Now I have a pathological diagnosis I can proceed through them, even without insurance. They have a very good reputation. 4) I practice Buddhism and am comfortable with the idea of life and death being a continuum rather than endpoints on a finite line, so the 'being dead' concept isn't deeply worrying. I'm more worried about all the projects-in-limbo, to be honest. I don't *like* the idea of leaving all those things undone. So I'd better get bustin' on 'em, just in case this game plays out more speedily than I'd been anticipating a month ago. Now THAT'S a good outcome, no matter what happens with the bod. I'm lazier than I like to be, sometimes. 5) Well, I *said* that when I moved I was going to take my practice to the next level. Not sure I was thinking about doing it *this* way, but in any case I've been presented with an excellent tool towards self-development so I'll just use it that way. *ahem* That is a determination, in writing. I always have worked better under pressure, anyway. 6) It'll all be ok, whatever happens next. I still dread telling my more emotional peeps. 1) PLenty of people survive melanoma. 2) Our family has 100% survival rate from supposedly fatal cancer in people younger than 50, so I'll just carry on the trend. (My bro was supposed to die of a rare cancer before he hit adolescence, instead he's helping me out with mine, so that's a valid statistic in Britta's World.) 3) Moffitt is GOOD at what they do. 4) I'm GOOD at what I choose to do, and I will choose to bring together the finest in medical care, explore alternative health options, and chant like ze sonovabeetch for positive outcomes. That'll about cover the bases, I think. As to the rest, well, *nobody* knows what tomorrow will hold. That's no different for me, just I have a heightened awareness of it right now. The last time I did this was when I parted ways with Blaise 3 years ago. I did the same thing, wrote it out, cried a little, looked at *what was*, at the things I'd been dreaming towards, and set some goals that I've achieved over the past 3 years. And the dreamer began to climb." Funny, because it's only MAC Lip Gloss, since I've moved, that I felt like I had everything in place to make it HAPPEN. And I shall. The Blaisequake led to a Great Adventure. I think this one shall too. And if I start to feel victimized by my circumstances I'll come back and read this journal and do what I need to. Because shit'll inevitably happen, but I'm pretty clear right now. (I still don't know how to talk to my mom, though)
