Portman Accidentally Releases Schedule

It seems Robert Portman accidently released his schedule for the day, and the Ohio Democratic Party got hold of it.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

April Fools!

Contact: ODP Press Office

614.XX.XXXX ext XXX

SCHEDULE FOR CONGRESSMAN ROB PORTMAN

April Fool’s Day: 2010

April 1, 2010 REMINDERS Ø Send in update for Bush-Cheney Alumni Magazine Ø Press Call: Interview with Outsourcing Weekly Ø Remember to live Tweet from health insurance industry fundraiser

***Congressman Portman at Home in Washington, D.C.***

9:00 A.M.: Call w/President Bush, VP Cheney, Karl Rove

*Note: Remind President Bush that you were his “mule” in Congress who helped pass his legislative agenda and ask him to campaign for you across Ohio. Thank Cheney for his donation. Ask for strategic advice.

10:00 A.M.: Tape Interview with Sarah Palin for segment on FOX News

Location: FOX News Studios, Washington, DC

*Note: Tell Palin that you can see Kentucky and Indiana from your house. Thank her for her PAC donation to your campaign and homemade moose jerky.

11:00 A.M.: My Life as a Washington Insider: Guest Lecture to Freshman GOP Members.
Location: The U.S. Capitol

*Note: Reflect on your two decades in Washington. Highlight your accomplishments as the Chief Architect of the Bush Economy: causing the national debt to swell by $500 billion, ramming through job-killing trade agreements to ship thousands of good-paying jobs overseas.

12:30 P.M.: Health Insurance Industry Endorsement Meeting

Location: American Health Insurance Plans HQ, Washington, DC
*Note: You are meeting with insurance company executives to discuss your plan to repeal health care reform — reiterate your opposition to access to affordable health care for more than 1 million Ohioans, your support for raising premiums on small businesses, keeping higher prescription costs for seniors, and reinstating abusive insurance company practices that deny coverage.

1:30 P.M.: Tea Party Rally w/Rep. John Boehner

Location: National Mall

*Note: Some Ohio observers are convinced that you are moderate — we need to beat back that narrative and show your true conservative colors. Get loud, get angry. You will receive your “Repeal Health Care” sign on site.

*Note from Jessica: Stay silent should anyone say anything offensive, outrageous, untrue.

2:00 P.M.: Wall St. Bankers Support Group: Overcoming Bonus Envy

Location: RNC Club

*Note:  Wall Street Bankers will discuss how your support for deregulation helped them grow too big to fail. Remind them that you wholeheartedly support their agenda to kill all reform measures that would hold Wall Street accountable and protect consumers. Reiterate that you will always be there for them. No matter what.

3:30 P.M.: Symposium: How to Grow China’s Middle Class

Location: American Enterprise Institute

*Note: Meeting with corporate executives to discuss how tax breaks you supported helped them offshore operations and ship good-paying jobs to China. You will outline your plan to continue to weaken Ohio manufacturing and to export Ohio jobs by supporting the kind of pro-China trade policies that helped the U.S. trade imbalance with China skyrocket. 

5:30 P.M.: Lobbyist Reunion at Patton, Boggs & Blow: Featuring Special Guest and former client, deposed Dictator Jean-Claude Duvalier

Location: K Street
*Note: Dictator Duvalier (currently in exile in Paris) would like to thank you personally  for your help lobbying the U.S. on behalf of his government and will offer his support for your campaign.

9:00 P.M.: FUNDRAISER--RNC Young Eagles & Chair Michael Steele---Closed Press CANCELED

CANCELED

Club TBD
Washington, D.C.
**Notable Attendees: Michael Steele (RNC Chair), Young Donors.

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Of course after the way he celebrated healthcare reform, I’m not sure they’re joking.