BREAKING - Rosemary Palmer Has Never Seen a UFO
In a conference call today with the Palmer campaign, Rosemary Palmer detailed the status of her campaign, fundraising, and district outreach. Midway through the call Palmer was questioned on revelations that her opponent, Congressman Dennis Kucinich's, experienced an extraterrestrial encounter at Shirley MacLaine's home in Washington. When questioned if, like Dennis, she too had experienced an extraterrestrial encounter, Palmer responded:
"We might have a couple extraterrestrials on the staff. No, just kidding. No encounters."
This shocking revelation about Rosemary Palmer's lack of extraterrestrial encounters is sure to send shockwaves through the 10th Congressional District.
Later, Lakewood shoppers were asked for reactions on Palmer's disclosure.
One shopper had pointed words for the Congressional hopeful. "I ain't gonna be able to support nobody fer Congress that ain't been abducted at least once or twice. I mean, how can Rosemary Palmer claim to be in synch with Ohio's values. Hell, she probably don't even believe. Shit."
Another shopper was more sympathetic. "I respect Rosemary, but all in all, we've got to look out for what's best for the District. Dennis told Shirley MacLaine he saw little green men above her house. Palmer has seen neither a slow UFO, nor one with a speed she could not comprehend. Voters notice this sort of inexperience."
Dennis Kucinich was unavailable for comment due to a scheduled pleasure cruise around Alpha Centurari.